Please send all comments and criticisms to dthomasaudrey@lycos.com


"this sounds like the kind of email a total fucking pussy would write. it you cant compete in todays
global economy than stop bitching about it to those who can. im proud to be making 75k next year so
you can take your liberal attitude go sit on your ass and be a drain on the economy and on people like
me. my father makes well over six figures a year and both my sister and i turned out just fine, as did
their marriage. so fuck off asshole"

-Student ('03)

"As a parent of two sons -- both recently graduated from college.  This article moved me very much --
actually brought tears to my eyes.  I forwarded this to them --- hoping that I was not the type of parent
you described.  I did work -- but, only part time -- and did get divorced and re-married. However, I was
always the mom that had everyone sleep over and the mom that drove everyone everywhere ----

I hope everyone takes this very seriously ----- I so completely agree with you -- that families have somehow
lost their importance and priority.

Unlike you being raised to think that women could do everything --- I was raised with things like
Leave It To Beaver --- and with the idea that moms (or at least someone) needs to be home to take care of
the family.

Thanks again for sharing your very powerful and moving thoughts."

-Administrator, Dept: Admissions

"Who are you and why did you send this to me?"

-Office Assistant, Dept: Development/College Relations

"This is interesting?who are you?"

-Student ('03)

"another rich kid who's angry at daddy and mommy?"

-Student ('03)

"Quite interesting and how true.  I was a single parent for the first eight years of my son's life -- I
struggled and I learned.  Had his father telling me I can do much better with my life other than accepting a
secretarial position here at Lafayette College -- how correct he was.  I took half a salary cut to come here.
Why?  Because everything in life has its tradeoffs.  Lafayette affords me the flexibility to take care of my
main responsibility -- my son.  This world is a screwed up place and I refuse to fall prey to all it has to offer.
So, maybe I don't live in the finest of homes, mine was just gutted and remodeled and is sufficient for my needs.
  I have a 2000 Protege -- not a new Eddie Bauer edition SUV or a mercedes.  I shop at TJ Maxx for bargains for
myself -- my son will never do without.  I have a few dollars in the bank for a rainy day and can take a vacation
each year -- spend quality time with my son.  Have a boss who fought for me to have the months of July and
January  -- July to have a month with my son and January to be at home when he walks through the door instead of
spending two hours with my sister each day.  I'm not making millions or close to it -- but enjoy what I have and
don't feel the need to keep up with others in my office.  I can go to Princeton like a former co-worker of mine
and make close $20,000 more a year for the talents I have, but I won't be at my son's baseball games.  I wouldn't
have been able to attend his school play.  I couldn't have taken off a day over his Easter vacation to help him
paint the back drop for the play (by the way, I was the only parent who elected to participate -- the offer was
made to over 50 parents)!  Those are the things that are important.  I can't guarantee my son will say
"thank you" later on in life for the sacrifices I make now, but it feels good laying my head down at night knowing
I'm doing my part.

You're on the right track -- keep focused and the success you set out to attain will be yours!

Good luck!"

-Secretary, Dept: Development/College Relations

"almosst poetic.  but i suppose that was your intention.  i
deeply sympathize with your parents neglect.  ha. 
actually, id rather not hear spoiled rich kids complain
about how their beds were too comfortable.  but maybe
another page might give me a new perspective.  and i could
go on, but im not nearly as effusive as  you.

ps- it was nice to see some shit (however silly) that
evidences people actually caring about somehting on this
campus. (a redeeming quality.)

-Student ('04)

about the essay..

i like your spirit.."

-Student ('04)

""Audrey,

I really enjoyed that forwarded email. So much so that I was compelled to forward it to my Mom, someone who has
undergone the same upbringing and issues with her parents.  This is what she wrote back. For her, she calls the
story below "the story that made me wake up and smell the coffee" It may be random, but I thought you'd like to
know there are others who are fighting against 'america's dirty little secret." Good luck in finals, and come
and visit if you have the chance!"

"[Name of correspondant],

GREAT email. i hope he always keeps his own advice.

years ago, before you were born and we were in Kansas, [1973] we went to a faculty barbecue at U. Kansas
where your father started out as a soc professor. there i met this professor whom i never saw again, but he
told us all an amazing story: it was about a young female student he had had in various classes. one semester he
noticed that she was really really depressed. he talked to her and she said she was suicidal. he panicked and
said, 'but you've got to talk to your parents.' she was from nearby Kansas City. she said "i've tried but they're
never home." he said, "that's impossible. she said, 'no. my mom spends all day at charity functions, then at night
she and my very busy CEO dad go off to cocktail parties, etc. they're never home.' so he took the ball into his
own hands and decided to call them. he got the maid at their house and she said that Mrs. whosis wasn't home.
then he called the dad's office and was told that he was in an important meeting. he said 'this is urgent. his
daughter is quite ill.' so after an HOUR or so on hold, the dad got on the phone. he was upset at having been
interrupted. the prof told him what was happening with his daughter and the dad blew up.
he said he had far more important things to do than to worry about her silly problems. he then told the prof
that if he was so concerned, then he should deal with it. he also said that he had good insurance and that the
prof could put the girl in a 'home' somewhere and he'd pay for it. then he hung up because he had to get back to
his important meeting. the prof was absolutely stunned.

sad story, no?

when the prof got back to the girl and told her what had happened, she gave him a very sad smile
and said "that's been the story of my life."

Keep in mind that this happened even back in 1973 . The scenario is all too frequent. it happens, especially
among those wealthy kids without any spiritual training. i think it was a great letter. this is a dirty little
secret in american society; parents who have to have kids because it's the thing to do but who then send them off
to pricey schools, day care centers and expensive colleges and then think they've done their duty. everyone takes
care of the materially impoverished and the physically abused but there are SO many cases of emotionally
neglected kids who 'have everything.' if anyone disses him for writing that letter, then the criticizer knows
nothing about the emotionally impoverished environment s/he, and many others, are coming from.

he sounds like he knows what the score is. maybe he should become a counselor at Lafayette! the kinds of 'hidden'
problems that so many kids carry as their burden. many of them will go on to repeat the 'sins' of their parents
because it's all they know. he KNOWS that this is not the way to live your life;

Maybe he could be teach; have you ever heard of a class called "Healing for the overly wealthy kids of clueless
parents who have ignored them?"No, I haven't either.

Thanks for the forward, hope others find his way.

Mums.""

-Administrator, Dept.: Admissions.

""You're born.
"You make up a bunch of goals and plans.
"You don't do any of 'em.
"A bunch of stuff you didn't think of comes along and makes you into
something you didn't wanna be.
"You whine about being 'dysfunctional.'
"You eat a lot of Chinese food.
"You die.
"This isn't anything new.  This is the way it's always been.
"Get over it. O.K.?
"I don't wanna have to explain this again."

-Professor, Dept: History

"Wow,
You sound like a spoiled whiney little brat.  Grow up.  YOu just realized
something that every hard working person already knows.  Congratulations.
Way to blame shit on a broken marriage by the way.  You're problem isn't
your parents you tool, its you being lazy."

-Student ('03)

"I just got finished reading your essay and I have to agree with you on
probably most of your points.  I won't go into them specifically, but I do
want to give you my reaction.

I work part-time here at the college -- I work two days a week during
semesters -- I have a full three months off in the summer.  I chose this
job because it allows me ample time and energy to raise my three children,
ages 16, 7, 5.  I worked full-time when I was raising my first two children
and was pregnant with my third.  There was absolutely no question that I
was going to stay home after the birth of my third.  It was the most
exhausting period of my life -- working full-time and parenting two
children, taking care of a house, etc.  Any one of those things are
exhausting by themselves, let alone combining all three.  My husband and I
felt that our priority was having someone home with the children -- and
I've never regretted it.  When my youngest was 2, I came back to work
part-time.  My mother takes care of the kids and now all but one is in
school all day.

I feel that I am in the process of accomplishing something huge.  If I can
turn loose into the world three healthy, happy, well-adjusted, confident,
drug-free children then that is the biggest reward I can ever expect to
receive.  I am confident that I will do just that.

On my "days off", I volunteer at all of my children's schools, chaperone
field trips, or even working in the school cafeteria.  I get involved in
anyway possible.  My kids are involved in activities and I do alot of
"carpooling" to and from activities.  My weekends, however, are no longer
spent doing chores and errands - I get this done during the week so that I
can spend my weekends with my family.  We go to church each Sunday and my
kids also receive religious education.  We go hiking, biking, visit the
parks, movies, etc.  We have a lot of fun times together.

You make some very valid points in your essay.  I am proud of the fact that
I do not fit into the mold of most people in society today.  I'm not
interesting in "having it all" or acquiring expensive material
things.  This is not to say that I don't have any interests of my own:  in
addition to working two days a week, I attend class at NCC one evening a
week, I play tennis and racquetball and run just about every day, and I
love to read novels.  All of this helps me to be a better person and
parent.  I still have lots of energy reserved for the people who matter
most in my life.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.  I hope you find true
happiness.  Just don't hold a grudge against your parents for their faults
- because you won't want your children doing the same.  Forgive and learn
to let go of any pain."

-Academic Departmental Secretary

"Very well written essay.  Of course, you can substitute just about any college/university in for Lafayette.
  You should consider sending this to a professional...first, remove the reference to Lafayette and put a
fictitious university in its place."

-Administrator, Dept: Development/College Relations

"Hey douchebag dont send me anymore of your incoherent e-mails. If your gonna say something at least back it up."

-Student ('03)

"Tom,
Thanks for sending this out.  I found it very interesting reading - full of many sad-but-true facts. 
Kudos to you for a job well done - and for sharing it."

-Secretary, Dept: Admissions

"I recieved this Mayhem nonsense in my Lafayette account and had a few thoughts for you:

Maybe if you didn't spend all this time putting everyone's e-mail addresses into your hotmail account and
typing out this silly letter, your grades would be better.

If you work hard and have good time-management skills, your grades can be good and you can still have time
to drink and have fun.  This translates into the real world where my family and many I know make 6 figures per
person and still have significant time for family.

These families - my family, the families of my friends - all turned out just fine.  Considering I live in a
fraternity with about 40 other guys and I only know of one that's divorced and I only don't get along with 1 of
them, and neither one is the one that's divorced.  I must be priveleged to have such normal friends, but it seems
to be the norm, not the exception.

My mother and my father have worked for my entire life, both in rewarding careers in which they have advanced
significantly - my father to the point that he isn't interested in advancing beyond his current position at this
point in his life because he's close to retirement and he makes more than 6 figures.  I turned out fine. 
In fact, I would go so far as to say I've been over-parented, in that they could have given me responsibilities
sooner and not been overprotective.

Your knowledge of historical economics is questionable.  This is NOTHING like the industrial revolution. 
Social conditions in this country are at an all time high, or at we're at the general peak since some people
still haven't gotten jobs again after the 9/11 layoffs/recession.  The average cost of living has risen with
inflation - you can't get a bus across town for a nickel anymore, sonny.  With inflation rising, so have wages
- at roughly the same rate.  Further, my grandparents worked in the time period you describe where women,
according to you, didn't work and could stay at home and exist on a one person income.  My grandmothers worked
their asses off, as did my grandfathers.  So did their children when they were old enough.  This was because
one simple income would *not* support my grandparents' families.  My father and his siblings turned out fine.

Do some parents neglect their children?  Yes.  Is this related to their professional careers?  Only by the
parents' choice.  Parents choose how much time they devote to their children and what guidance they provide. 
Some people just suck as parents.  There are other, better reasons for this - parents choose not to discipline
their children or provide the proper guidance or think that their children will raise themselves, etc.  It's
the parents and their ineptness at parenthood, not corporate America, not women in the workforce, and not some
vast secretive political/socioeconomic scheme to get more people in the workforce that makes some members of our
generation and some members of younger and older generations the way they are.

When I was growing up, my parents not only worked two jobs and chased their careers and dreams, they also spent
enough time with me to provide me the proper guidance and nurturing.  So, if you keep your ridiculous opinion
that corporate America has ruined family life, please don't generalize."

-Student ('03)

"Hey Tom,

I enjoyed reading your essay.  You sure made me appreciate my childhood all
over again.  I was raised in a blue collar family with one parent getting a
paycheck and one parent at home.  I loved spending my summers reading books
and running around barefoot.

The only thing I disagree with in your essay is that one should be following
some direction all the time.  I think sometimes a person needs to let go of
everything, even of having a direction, to let the mind settle so that you
can find your true direction.

-Associate Professor, Dept: Mathematics

"please remove me from your listing"

-Student ('03)

"Yo Chris. At least write something worth reading next time. I could do much better."

-Student ('04)

"this is a death threat...just kiddin!!

one thing that i feel i should say after going through your
document...life is not all about family (not degrading the
value of family here), life is also about knowledge...at
least for me it is. i would write a longer email but i
gotta go study for my finals.

-Student ('05)

"You're an idiot
Thanks for wasting my time with this bullshit"

-Student ('04)

"Wow:

who are you!! 
and do you REALLY go to Lafayette? 
 

this is a FANTASIC email...  

is this REALLY a club?  if so, i want to know more.  i am a senior, but am interested in what it is all
about..."

-Student ('02)

"What is your purpose?you complain, but you bring no solution or attempted solution?you don't have a call
to action?you just have complaining?follow through."

-Student ('02)

"im not sure i agree with the part about "corporate america" and its goals, i think corporate america exists
as a squabbling bitch race of sorts and is not unified enough to have a goal(outside of individual corporations,
mergers, and certain corrupt fields(ok, maybe you have a point there)) , though i certainly share your negativity
towards corporate america, and could not agree more with your ideas about parenting and the loss of whats truly
important in the struggle to achieve what became important to many of our parents.  I accredit a lot of it to the
80's, when most of our parents were making twice what they do now and developed some rather polished lifestyles
that unfortunately took hold of them.  My high school guidance counselor likened Lafayette to an extension of
that high school, mostly on the basis of the composition of the student body.  I've been watching this shit for
what seems like my entire life as ive watched the former mayor of jersey city's kid get chucked from boarding
school to boarding school, back to public school, then out of hobart, then out of the marines, then, finally out
of the house, when dad gave up trying "so hard" on his son, the oldest of 8 or so.  It's a wonderful life.

Actually, I think it is.  And I'm not gonna miss out the way I think most people do.  I can't say I'm surprised
to have discovered someone here that shares my views on the matter, especially because so many here come from
such similar family units, though I am surprised someone wasn't too frustrated or tired of thinking about it that
he actually would organize them in the way you have and made his point.  The sad thing is, I bet a lot of people
at Lafayette would take offense to this.  One giant shit sandwich.

So I'm a little confused about the pseudonym, but would be more confused to find that someone would actually put
their real name on something that had anything bad to say about pure, virgin, Lafayette.  An administrative
lynching would ensue. Anyway, Im pretty interesed what people had to say back to you, (i didnt really get this
email but a friend forwarded it to me enthusiastically).

Fuck tha po-lice.  Fuck, Fuck, Fuck tha po-lice."

-Student ('03)

"I enjoyed your article immensely and thought it was nice to see someone actually
bring up a valid point and some much-needed controversy to campus.  However, I
have one major issue: An anarchist society is not an organized activity!
Anarchy itself is against any formal declaration of existence; it is against
organization itself. 
What are you trying to accomplish with LMF?  If you want to attack these ideas,
you should not call your an "anarchist society," it makes you sound like the
exact reciprocal of those you are attacking.  If you'd like, feel free to respond back
and let me know what's going on in your head.  Any cheer that mentions Nirvana has
my support.

-Student, ('0?)

Thanks, that was powerful."

-Coach, Dept: Athletics

"I enjoyed your message. Thank you.
And good luck with your life after Lafayette. I hope you find all that you
search for, and succeed in what you think is important. Good luck.
:) "

-Student ('04)

Dear Tom,

Im glad you feel this way, but everyone has their own way of life and
perspective on the future.  If you watch out for yourself instead of
worrying about others, you may be better off.  Thank you for never sending
me one of these emails again

-Student ('03)

"I agree that you have a legitimate complaint. Many adults (my generation of the 60's) these days are more
concerned with themselves and self-fulfillment than with others. We have been called the "me" generation.

My wife and I have three sons who range in age from 12-19. We value parenting so much that my wife has chosen
to be a stay at home mom. Now she teaches, but only morning kindergarten. Although this is not politically
correct and my comments may inspire angry retorts from most of the college, I would encourage you to seek a wife
who wants to stay home to raise children. It may mean sacrifices, but the reward of having an intact home is a
value worth pursuing. Don't make the mistake that you feel that your parents have made.

I wish you well in your efforts to make some sense of what has happened to you and in your efforts to deal with
the pain. Recognizing the problem and expressing it is the beginning. I hope you can move to a higher plane
and forgive your parents."

-Professor, Dept.: Mathematics

Hey,

" I commend your courage for writing your essay, though i don't know what to think about it. I watched
Starship Troopers the other day and it had surprising connections to what you wrote. I would encourage you
to watch it and think about your essay in its context."
-Student('05)

"I'm so rebellious I think even movements against school are lame. You have too much time, stop wasting ours."

-Student ('0?)

"Nice Essay... America is headed in the wrong direction.  The majority of
our society values the wrong things.  I enjoyed reading it."

-Student ('05)

"Tom,
I recently received your essay under my door after shaving....and holy
shit, that was awesome.

Certainly, it was aggressive.  It had an aggressiveness in it that I never
dreamed of expressing.  But it felt good to read.

I'm a freshman here in Lafayette living in the ghetto basement of McKeen,
which is probably worth an essay in itself.  I've spent my life
searching.  I certainly have found God in my music and my Roman
Catholicism...which has led me to major in music, specifically jazz on the
bari sax, and minor in religion, focusing on Christ.  But I've also spent
my life using comedy, satire, and connecting one thing in life to another,
like the psychodynamic psychologist that I believe God and Jesus are.  I've
connected Star Wars to Christianity, baseball to life, James Bond to
morality, horrible acts of nature to God's Love, Saturday Night Live to the
happiness of life, Space Ghost to utter stupidity that is lovely...and I've
watched a lot of South Park and Comedy Central.  Your essay hit the nail on
the head.

After reading your essay, I certainly do have formulated thoughts that help
me get as much out of it I need...but I also see how your feelings were
expressed.  God bless you in your trials through life.  It must have been
hard; I know it was for me.

If there is anything I can do for you in any way, shape, or form, please
let me know."

-Student. ('05)

"Hello, Tom.

May I ask why you sent this message to me?  Do I know you?  Did you
send it to everyone?

At any rate, I'd be happy to discuss it with you.  You say a lot...
some of it seems a bit self-contradictory. but that's part of the
interest of it, I suppose.  Some I agree with, some I don't.  But I'd
be happy to have a conversation with you about it."

-Professor, Dept(s): Mathematics, Women's Studies

"I thought your essay was quite appropriate and well timed.  I have an older brother who is graduating and
I am a junior.  We come from a single parent house hold (mother).  We were just home for mother's day
saying that we were so lucky that while growing up, although we had little money and lived in a 2 bedroom
apt., we had one of the best parents who ever lived.  Our mother was always busy puting both of us before
herself.  Now that my brother is graduating and I will be in a year we feel prepared to meet the hard times
in life b/c our mother has already met them and beaten them.  We both agreed that life is not something we
would want handed to us.  We are prepared to take pleasure in the trials and tribulations of life, and know
that somewhere out there success awaits us, whether it be in the form of money or not is uncertain.  At least
we know how to raise a successful family and how important it is.  Our unity has ensured that one day we will do
our best to keep our mother happy for all the years she sacrificed so that we could grow up happy and have a
fair chance at success.
             Remember all those who used to be
             Emulate them so I too may see.
             That while I play to be
             them
             Often while I be
             It is not
             them out there
             It is me.
            

             -pk"

-Student ('03)

"Social insurrection my ass! You know....you are correct that six figures
won't raise a child and you are also correct that this world is in dire need
of mayhem. However, I am thoroughly disappointed that you are trying to pass
these ideas off as your own. I believe that many of your beliefs are stated
more clearly in the movie Fight Club. Here is what I am talking about:

Lafayette Mayhem Foundation = Project Mayhem

"Forget your career.  Forget your goals.  Forget your ambition."  = "You are
not your job. You are not how much you have in the bank. You are not your
khakis."

...it sounds as if you cut and pasted directly from the script. That is the
true insurrection! Don't get me wrong I do agree with most of, if not
everything, that you have stated. I am just mildly perturbed at the fact
that you didn't give credit to the ones who first stated what you are merely
reiterating. I feel as if you owe every person who read that paper an
apology. If you were to hand this paper in for a class then I think that we
would have a case of academic dishonesty on our hands.

If you want to truly support "Mayhem" don't do it by handing out trite
fliers and sending campus-wide emails that few people actually read. Do it
with physical actions just how it is done in the movie which you have stolen
your ideas from. Get off you ass and go DO something. The world does need to
be helped out of the rut that it is stuck in but do you feel that your
plaigarized essay is actually helping out at all?!

Don't take this e-mail the wrong way. I am trying to help you out, not just
make fun of your attempts.  Check out this web site and please pass it along
to other Mayhem supporters...

http://www.ndoc.i-p.com"

-Student ('04)

"Great essay. That's all"

-Student ('04)